Willful tools. 00:15 Apr 28 2017
Times Read: 593
Why utter the words: "I value your friendship" or "you are truly someone i'm starting to care about", when at the first sign of a misunderstanding you'll toss that person out of your life as if they meant nothing to you?
I didn't fake my kindness.
Honestly, I am well beyond used to it, but that doesn't stop me from wondering why do that at all. I guess the entertainment was momentary, because genuine, those words were not. It's strange and ironic how unwilling I am to do that to another, where others so freely do so with me.
Pity party over here. I must be quite horrid eh? Lol.
I do lament it, but I won't be used, not if you won't let me use you in return.
Also, careful how you define use, you might surprise yourself.
♫
00:50 Apr 27 2017
Times Read: 616
Another night,
another dream,
but always you,
It's like a vision
of love that
seems to be true.
Pointless conversations.
02:05 Apr 21 2017
Times Read: 676
Are a matter of perspective?
If you can talk to me about, let's say, all the drama and bullshit of vampirerave, and I talk along with you, that pretty much hints you don't consider this particular conversation pointless.
But you'll turn around and tell me how what I'm talking about is pointless, for whatever reason you deem worthy. Could be one, or several reasons. Well, that's a pretty interesting personality trait I'll make good note of.
Doesn't really encourage me to speak about much, since I now have to play psychic to guess at what is or isn't a topic on which conversation would not be pointless. Darn, and I thought tact was a thing. LOL. Odd how I always get accused of not having it.
Even when people rant at me, and just spew on and on about how something is a pet peeve, or how shitty their day went. Or how their boss is a moron, or how they see people on this planet. I never consider it ranting, at least not with the negative connotation of "ranting that makes you feel like you are wasting your time listening." It's sharing, no matter how you see it. Just as easily as... any and all conversations are ultimately pointless.
There are some phrases I try to never say to people, out of sheer cruelness of the statement and rudeness. Sure I'll let you ramble, and sometimes even not be able to comment on your topic, which might make you feel like you've just wasted your time talking. But that's not the case, nor my intention. Sometimes I just don't have input, rare as that may fucking be for the smart asses reading this. But I won't tell you, that the conversation you are trying to have with me is pointless. LOL.
Evidently, it's not pointless because you find it interesting enough to have an opinion on it, and people who shoot down others and/or mock them for what they find interesting, are the worst kinds of negative people one can ever have the displeasure to meet.
So go you, who talks about My Little Pony. Go you who talk about how many decks of Yugioh cards they have. Go you who can talk about a show nonstop even if you spoil it by accident for someone. Go you who has umpteen ideas on how to better your workplace for yourself and your coworkers. Go you who talks about super heroes as if at any moment appear in front of you. Go you who talks all things Cosplay. Go you who talks about your opinions and views fearlessly. Your interests and hobbies are yours. Those that value you, would never label your talking with them about anything as "pointless". Fuck all the rest.
06:55 Apr 15 2017
Times Read: 714
02:06:03 - Jun 25 2015
Times Read: 389
The trick to being someone's addiction is making peace with the reality, that eventually, they'll want to drop the habit.
I can't shake off all this being my fault.07:50 Apr 14 2017
Times Read: 731
My sister finally saw him today. She broke down seeing him like that. With us going back and forth between hospitals, between parents...
I can't blame her.
I've been coming home with eyes seeming like I've been getting high all day.
I don't blame her at all.
He's better, yet in the ICU.
His anxiety/nervousness kicks in at the worst of times. Every nurse and doctor is taking their time, ignoring, lying, and avoiding doing their work. No, Pa, I won't let you keep that up about these kind nurses. A few might have had slight less patience, but upon talking with them, they exhausted their knowledge about his situation. They are helping. They want to help. And they are human. But with what they deal with, they are superhuman. They are allowed their off days. Because even though having them, they are still there working through them.
Tonight? She thanked me for helping her with my father. Moving him. Adjusting. tending to him. Cleaning him up. I wouldn't move from the bedside, so I was sticking my hands wherever I could without being in the way. So of course, she asked me, naturally, to help her here and there. And then apologized for asking me to help her, because she shouldn't. No, Thank YOU. Your witty jokes and bantering with my father is what he needs. He's the strongest I've seen him, and I'm more than happy to be helping you care for my father when I know he's not the only patient here, as you call out of the room that "you'll be there in 30 seconds." You are nothing less than amazing while keeping that bedside manner with a a difficult patient.
Every joke he tells is a god send. How ironic.
I am exhausted.
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